The Purging

Today, I decided to clean up. In my world, where I'm the boss, doing something on a rainy Sunday afternoon is illegal. But then rules are made to be broken, aren't they?

This year, I decided to invest on a property. It's a house beside my parents'. Yes, it's so ill-located, I know. Not that I intend to really live here. As far as my future self is concerned, I still plan to live in a small apartment with huge glass-stained windows that give an amazing view of city lights. But since I haven't found that dream space yet, I'm going to have to settle in here for a couple of years, hoping to death my mother's right for brainwashing me into buying this property because its value increases over time.

A family friend even joked that having my own house would be an advantage once I get married because since I own it, I'd have every right to throw my husband out in the midst of a fight. They all laughed at the thought, until I reminded them that it would remain to be just that--a thought. And of course right after that they all switched to their "it's-not-really-good-to-grow-old-alone" nonsense.
That was my cue to go upstairs, lock myself up and blog.

Anyway, when I woke up this morning, I realized my grandmother (and housemate) has already left for the province and did not even bother to wake me up. She's been out and about these past weeks and I would always be left alone at home. I seriously don't know who's in her mid-twenties and mid-seventies anymore. She's always on vacation.

Since I have the house all to myself, I decided to clean up. I got rid of things that I no longer needed. I remember that Chinese people do that to get rid of bad vibes and give space for good energy or chi to flow. As I was cleaning up, I came across some bouquets and stuff that my exes have so generously given me. I thought of disposing because I don't believe in having an Ex-box to put them all into. Also, the dried flowers have started attracting insects that I could not even name. I decided not to be too sentimental. Objects can only carry as much meaning as we allow them to have. Once you change the way you see them, they cease to mean as much. Sad, but true.

You let go of the person, you let go of the things they gave. Well, at least those that are not very useful anymore. Like flowers. I still kept some, though. Like books, clothes, shoes... I just couldn't bear to lose them, especially when they complete a kick-ass outfit or contain a really fascinating story. Funny how sometimes you can't bear to lose objects, but you can easily let go of the people who gave them. I must be very insensitive, you may think, but I'm just really being practical. No offense.

I'm not even going to defend myself. It would be unnecessary. As Coelho puts it, "A woman who can conquer her heart can conquer the world."

Good night.