Semicolon

I declared that day as the worst day of my high school life. Well, next to when my mother found out I had a failing grade in Math in my sophomore year.

 Actually, I was a senior then and it was the first day of classes. I hated that day for many reasons, but mainly because I didn't like the class I was thrown into. I reckoned that most of my girl classmates were campus bitches who always had boys tailing behind them. And at that time, the only time I had boys behind me was when I lined up in the cafeteria. So you could just imagine where the rancour was coming from.

I barely knew anybody in the room. Days before, I was already counting the days that I needed to excruciatingly endure before graduation. 220 school days, I remember, because I even marked it on my bedroom wall with a red crayon, no shit, that's how much I hated being in that section.

My section was Zinc and my father even thought that I belong in the dumbest section just because letter Z is the last letter in the alphabet. It took a while to convince him that sections are not ranked alphabetically, not in our school.

So on my first day, I just sat quietly on my chair, trying to ignore the buzzing of my classmates who obviously knew each other already. I was trying to imagine being in another classroom where my friends were, when all of a sudden, you came in.

You were walking rather slowly, as if, like me, you didn't want your footsteps to lead you there. And I swear, at that moment, everything went into slow motion. I don't know if it's just because you're walking in turtle pace. But what I'm sure about was the small voice inside my head that said,"E pano kung sya pala makatuluyan ko?" Right after you passed by. It felt so silly at that time that I shoved the thought in my mental recycle bin before I could even argue with myself. It was downright ridiculous. I didn't even find you good-looking. You were not my type. Then.

I kept on thinking about this scene when we finally got together a few years after. I was thinking that perhaps, there was, in fact, such a thing as fate, destiny, whatever the hell you want to call it. And it was a sign from God.

Now, you have to understand that after I broke up with you, I, again, resorted to the belief that destiny was just as real as Santa Claus could get. I started to think that life is governed merely by the choices we make and that God will love me just the same no matter what my choices may be. While I still believe this to be true, all these things that transpired in the last few months made me realize that, indeed, God loves me so much that while He respects my will, He also included His will in my list of options because He knows what could truly make me happy. He is after all, all-knowing.

With this, I arrived at the thought that perhaps, destiny is just God's way of showing you the best option.

Just as He led me back to you. He knows you're the best option. And I couldn't agree more.

I remember when you were about to leave for the first time, my prayer to God was for Him to place Himself in a circle with us so that the three of us are holding each other's hands. In this way, if I let go of your hand (which I did, by the way), God is still holding my other hand, and can put us back together in His perfect time (which He did, by the way).

And even as we both thought it was impossible, here we are, back in that circle after a few stumbles. I guess God truly never forgets promises that we make with Him, even when we sometimes do.

I am glad that when God put you on the list of options, I chose you. :)

Yellow Light

I hope you know what you're getting yourself into. I am not the easiest person to be married with for the rest of your life. You've experienced how irrational I can get whenever I get jealous or disappointed. Even I would like to give myself a good beating for being so damn unreasonable.

I wish I could give you some manual on 'what to do when your annoying wife throws a bitch fit'. You would need that, believe me. But most importantly, you would need to learn to steel yourself up and stand your ground so that you can put in me in the right place, even if it means hurting my feelings. I'd surely fight back, anyway. And our married life will be chaotic and tumultuous and far from ideal, but it will also be exciting, passionate and extraordinary.

Whenever you think you've reached your breaking point and you've become so fed up with my bullcrap, just remember that you and i are meant to be. No matter how far and fast you try to run away, God will pull your tail back, pretty much like what He did to me. So don't even think about giving up on me, just as what you've done all these years, because no matter what happens, i would always find my way back to you. You are my home, and nobody forgets where they live.

I wouldn't even say sorry for being territorial or bossy or demanding or crazy, because I will always be. I will try to control it, but I will not change myself. Because all that I am, the wonderful and shitty stuff, is part and parcel of the woman that you chose to love.

One more thing, you may sometimes or most of the time doubt it, but I love you.

He sent you. And He sent me to you. That's your guarantee.

Now, would you still want to marry me?