My father has been unemployed for a number of years now. All throughout it was my mother who provided for the family. In those rare moments when she feels fed up, my mother would always tell me never to depend on my husband for my needs. She says she works her ass off to give us good education so we won't grow up to be dependent on anybody.
I keep this in mind.
My family is so full of strong women that it's a shame to be anything but.
So when a friend asked me, while watching The Legal Wife on the bus, what I'd do if I caught my husband cheating, I told her, "Oh, I won't, because I'll be busy cheating on him, too."
Of couse it was a joke, so we both laughed.
But when she got off the bus, I thought about it. What the hell would I possibly do?
Well, for one, my vengeful nature won't let them get away with it, of course. I think I might kill them myself. Castrate him and torture the woman slowly then watch the NBA playoffs while they bleed to death. If the Houston Rockets can make it till game 7, I might let them live a few hours more. But then that would make me feel really guilty, after all the anger has subsided.
Try to fix what's left of the marriage, maybe? That's the right thing to do. But my huge ego tells me that I won't be able to forgive somebody who chose somebody else over me. Just not possible.
Then I thought, if all else fails, I still have my dreams. I can leave and continue with the life that I initially wanted for myself. Anyway, happiness, for me, is always a choice. I don't put my happiness where I'd need to look for it. I always keep it in. I incite it from within.
Like when I ride a bike and I feel so free. Or when I smell the scent of hay and flowers and morning mist when I jog early enough. When I wake up before the sun does and I just watch it rise. When I try to listen to God when I meditate in the dark. When our dog licks my foot. When my sisters and I laugh at Kim Kardashian memes. When my favorite team wins. There are so many beautiful things to be happy about. Surely, my cheating husband won't be so much of a loss.
I can live as my mother does. Independent. I'd probably buy my dream apartment with a view of the city lights. Pursue my dream of becoming a Nat Geo explorer. Teach in the far-flung barrios of the country. Be a UNICEF volunteer. Write a book. Maybe even stumble upon another romance.
But then again, who knows? Strong as we claim we are, love works in ways so mysterious, Samson let Delilah know his strength was in his hair. True love does not guarantee a perfect relationship. But it does say it will endure, and it will not fail. I guess if it's true love, it will be worth keeping in the end.
