I Need Space

I have this fascination with city lights.

Perhaps solitary beings are naturally drawn to serene backdrops that make the world look much gentler than it actually is. This might also be the reason my mind works better at night. Darkness tends to be too overwhelming for some people. Or too intimidating. But there's a distinct sense of quiet that clings to it, like damp air on a humid night, more soothing than it is daunting.

 I love the sun, but I hate daylight. It exposes the filth in the surroundings. It reminds me of how my dentist uses her gloved hands to open my mouth wide in the most unflattering way while her two interns take turns to scrutinize. I am not ashamed of my tartar. It's just that reality, once magnified, is just too harsh.

In the movie Just Like Heaven, Reese Witherspoon's character lives in this apartment with huge glass-stained windows that give one a breath-taking view of city lights. I never forgot that movie, and it's not because of the romance. It's because I swore to myself that someday I'm going to find an identical apartment and live there, all by myself. That's one of my ultimate dreams.

For now I'm stuck in my room which I consider as temporary paradise. But I know and feel that someday, I'll find my real place, the one that's exactly in my head.