There is a thing or two to be said when you've hit rock bottom. First is that when you've reached your lowest of lows, you always have two options: vanish completely or fight your way back up.
Another is that rock bottom, I've learned, is like a deep well in the midst of a desert. Some people, in their desperation for water, just dive straight in and then worry about how to climb back up later. The same goes for people who let themselves drown in sadness and then reach a point wherein they no longer know how to find their way out, so they choose to either die or save themselves at the last minute.
And then there are some who are gifted enough to endure their thirst for a few minutes more, just to give themselves enough time to look for a bucket, tie it up and let it go down the well to fetch water. I guess these are the people who, at their loneliest, part the curtains and let the sun in, knowing that a little warmth is what a cold day really needs.
You can choose to be any of these, and no one can blame you for it. Because to those who have come across rock bottom, and have really known how devastating it can be, strength will always be a matter of choice. You choose how to deal with your pain. There's no means better than the other.
It's just that whatever your choice is defines who you are.
In this case, my weapon of choice is solitude. You know, there's something very frightening about having everything you want. It is the fact once you've learned to hold on to it, like your body parts, it becomes essential to your way of life. And once they're gone, you will find yourself unable to do anything. Worthless. Useless. Not even Dumbledore's quotable quotes can save you. Especially when, come to think of it, he killed himself in the story.
You lose hope, but then you learn one thing and that's all you ever need to know. No matter how bad it is, you live. You shrink so small but you live. And in your tiny self, you realize the small things are enough to make you want to be alive.
That is what solitude does. It tells you it's ok to be your fucked-up self because that is part of who you are. It makes you notice how the carpet is really soft on your feet, or how the ticking of the clock sounds like the beating of your heart when you're calm and at peace. It makes you appreciate the smell of freshly-brewed coffee until it dawns on you that it's the aroma and not the taste that makes it so addictive. Heck, it makes you even thankful for a rainy day because it's the perfect time for a cup of hot chocolate.
It's funny, how when you allow yourself to be small, you see things in a bigger perspective. How being in a dark place makes you see the silver lining.
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