Hey Pherick ;)

I asked you to give me a ring.

There were men after you who gave me rings similar to yours which I had lost somewhere or unintentionally tossed in the trash. I say similar because these were rings that were given to me out of your need to box me into your little self-woven worlds. To me, it was like putting a collar around a dog's neck for people to know that somebody already owns it. I am not surprised at all that these rings have tarnished over time or have been lost forever just like the relationships that produced them.

I don't remember asking for any of them to be put around my finger. It has always been you and the rest of you who decided on these things. Not me. Well, not until today.

Today, I asked for a ring, not because I would like to be identified as someone's possession but because I would like to remember all the time that you didn't just happen. You were chosen.  You were my decision. And every decision one makes entails commitment. I would like to be reminded that you didn't impose yourself on me; you are back in my life because I wanted you to be.

If you would ask me if I really would like that ring, my answer would always be 'yes'. I don't want anything extravagant. Any simple ring would be enough.

Last night, I was thinking if I acted on impulse. Was it the wine? Or the daiquiri? I guess not. I was praying all the time. Part of me would like to respond to your I-love-yous but the other was just so scared i'd only hurt you again. I know myself well. If I want something, I would demolish anything that stands in my way. The last thing I want is to break you again after you have done your hardest to put yourself back. I am not sure if I deserve your love. I would like to love you, but I do not know any safe means to do it, as if safety and security exist in love.

I have always known that you were the person God sent. For a time, I forgot that. But thank you for always coming back to remind me. Thank you for consistently turning yourself into the right person for me. I will not make any promise, but last night, the scene that I have always imagined in my head, the glass-stained windows, city lights and the person I love--they happened. And something tells me that I would like to do that forever.